.shut the window love keep the world outside.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-31T02:03:00

2006-07-31T06:04:43Z

So I made a new livejournal it even has a pretty layout, add it when you get the chance. I'll probably add you before then though

teleavenuekiss

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-31T00:34:00

2006-07-31T04:39:55Z

So I had another good night spent with Christina and miss Gabby King. We talked a bunches here, then the Bobby and Aaron came and took us out to eat at Dysarts, Aaron treated everyone cause he rocks like that. We laughed about "Toss my salad". It was a good night.

I'm so tired right now, thus the short entry.

Goodnight everyone.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-30T12:02:00

2006-07-30T16:15:33Z

I'm in a SUPER good mood right now.
Not for any particular reason, it's just a beautiful day and I'm feeling great!
I had a great time last night with Christina, Gabrielle K, and Jorie. We went to the fair spent wayy too much money, on rides but Gabby K is awesome needless too say. We got to go on the new rollercoaster ride for free, because the guys wanted to talk to us and they had some foreign accent from I don't know where but I got a phone call this morning and it was like "I just wanted to let you know you are the most gorgeous girl in Maine" and I'm like half asleep..I'm like wait whos...oh "hey" hahaha it was the guy with the awesome accent. Gabby K and I got a bunch of free stuff we got to play games for free, and I even got a free little stuffed animal. haha it's good to be sexy, lol...even though I wasn't feeling that well yesterday. But I had a fabulous time with those girls, thats what I needed...a night with the gals.
I can't wait until the fair on Wednesday it's gonna be a blast. There wasn't a lot of people there, I guess they're all waiting for those wristband days haha. Wow I'm in wayy to awesome of a mood right now. And it's great because it's not because of some guy or anyone I'm just happy. I made plans to hang out with everyone soon so that's good. Jared's back from camp thing so we're gonna hang out. And Brian H wants to hang out sometime soon. And Kevin is going to try to come up here next time Seth and Steve come up. Yay.

Well I got clothes to fold.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-28T12:50:00

2006-07-28T16:59:28Z

So I'm going to try to be a little more optimistic. Next week shall be good, fair time and I get to see my girls that I haven't seen all summer and it depresses me. But the fair always brings good times and memories.

Guys right now are a waste of my time. Although, I've talked to Kevin a lot lately. He's awesome, he always cheers me up. And he's not like every other guy who has to hit on me...like damn your fine. That stuff's flattering but I like to have someone to actually talk to. He's into music which is a huge plus, he plays the drums another plus, and he likes Angels and Airwaves as much as I do. We're going to move to Australia and be badass outlaws...it's gonna be great. He lives in Windham though, and he doesn't have a car right now since the accident, which sucks. He's a wicked cool kid though.

I talked to the ex yesterday...and no not Andrew. I know OMG right? heh.. He IMed me the other night while I was upstairs asking if I'm going to hold a grudge over him for the rest of my life. Even though I hated what he did, he's sorry for it and it's okay to forgive people. I'm not saying we're best friends now, but hey it's good we cleared everything up. We don't hate each other. That's good.

I need to enjoy the rest of my summer, because I'm going to have a heavy plate once schools starts up again.

I want to go shopping today. I'm gonna ask my mom if she's up to going out, I just want to get out right now.

THURSDAY...SAY WHAATTTTT : 11/18 Worcester, MA @ The Palladium *I need to go to this.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-27T19:43:00

2006-07-27T23:46:36Z

I'm just overall pissed off and stressed out right now.

All the pictures that were ever on my computer are gone, I'm not saying it's anyones fault I'm just annoyed and I want them back.

I'm mad cause I haven't seen my friends in forever, it's hard when you dont have a car or a license you just can't go out when you want to. I'm so sick of being stuck inside this house, I'm going crazy. I haven't talked to my "best friend" in a week. I just want to hang out with people. But everyones always busy or working.

Everything just sucks right now.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-26T09:15:00

2006-07-26T13:18:30Z

I feel I lost hope in everything lately. Let's face it nothing ever works out. I feel I'm out of touch with life. I feel complety miserable right now. Yesteday I slept pretty much all day, I woke up took a shower...wondered downstairs and fell alseep again. I feel sick. I hate being this way.

Sorry for the pointless entries.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-25T01:33:00

2006-07-25T05:34:05Z

FUCK YOU!
FUCK
EVERYTHING

im done!
AHHHHH!

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-24T19:30:00

2006-07-24T23:31:24Z

The Angels and Airwaves CD is incredible! I'm glad I went out and got it....amazing.
Christina's new outfits = adorable hxc.
I'm in a pretty decent mood right now, actually I'm happy right now.
Let's see how long this is going to last for.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-23T14:58:00

2006-07-23T19:07:15Z

So I stayed in bed until about 2, I just didn't feel like getting up. I had so much things on my mind that I had to straighten everything out before I woke up, because I couldn't let another day go on not knowing. So I woke up took a shower, and sent out what I was wanting to know and I told that person how I felt and all, so hopefully I talked to that person later. I feel better that I finally got what I wanted to say out of my head...because these thoughts have been haunting me. I can't hold in my feelings, I did what I had to. Even if I get the response I don't want, at least I'll know...and not keep wondering what's going on.

I don't feel happy lately. I just feel so useless, and unwanted I guess. I just want to be happy. This summer is going by too fast, and I haven't had too many happy memories yet. I've hung out with people I really wanted too only a few times. But I still want to see my other friends, hopefully this week will give me time to do that. I know I'm hanging out with Kayla sometime this week, I haven't hung out with that girl in such a long time and I missed her and I want to spend sometime with her before she goes off to college. And Katee comes back in 3 days! Then there's the fair, which is good oppurtunity to hang out with people, I know Tim wants to hang out with me sometime at the fair, but I'm going to go as many days as I can to hang out with people. I don't even care that much about the fair, I just need to see my friends. I miss everyone.

It's funny because every Summer I seem to change some. I'm going to try to be more out going next year, and get to know people I didn't. Hell I barely know some of these people and I've been going to school with them since 6th grade...and I just decide my Senior year I'm going to get to know more people. Heh oh well, better late than never.

I love Angels and Airwaves...I need to go to Bullmoose sometime this week to get their CD.

Hopefully it's a good week. I'm going to try my hardest to stay optimistic, even if things don't go well today. Uh I just need to know.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-20T23:42:00

2006-07-21T03:48:05Z

Uh hanging out with people always makes me feel better. I was starting to feel really lonely too. So I hung out with Mike, Jared, Jeremy, Justin, Ben and Phil. We hung out at Justins for awhile then met up with Ben (who use to be in Daybreak Red) at Mickeys Ds...and then headed to the Underground so they could practice for tomorrow. They sounded really good tonight, it kinda makes up for me not going to their show tomorrow. I would if I could though. And Ive been home for a while, I'm kinda tired but I can't sleep...I dont know why but for the past week or soI haven't been able to fall asleep and it sucks. So I'll probably take some Tylenol PM before bed. Maybe write or draw for a bit..I don't know, we'll see if I'm too tired or not.

After being around them forever I'm gonna have the Symmetry stuck in my head...haha oh well. "Dont tell secrets you never keep them for your own, and you'll regret this when you get old"

...time to try to sleep.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-19T20:05:00

2006-07-20T00:40:44Z

So my hair turned out lovely, Heather is a genious. It took 3 hrs to get my hair back to its previous state. But I happy with it again, so that's all the matter. 100 dollars later heh.

Today was a pretty good day. I went to Wal-mart at my mom and we refrained at yelling at the crazy lady almost running into us with her shopping cart (she was literally running through the store), but I didnt refrain from flicking off the guy who almost hit our car. heh. Then we went to pick up Christina from work and went to Ruby Tuesdays. I helped one lady who was ridiculously lost in Filenes, shes like is this the mall? I would of said she was drunk, but she was just from out of state. I saw Jared at the mall and he was hanging out with Pat, and that was really awkward. But then Christina, my mom and I went to Urban Behavior and I got a really cute black dress for $4.99 I love that store. And I got a necklace to go with it for $2.99, that store is crazy cheap, I love it. I want everything. I was going to hang out with Mike face tonight, at Justins but he's not going to be here until 11 so I'll probably just hang out with him tomorrow. I'm so bored, I wish I could have went to Kyns to hang out with her and Kristina...but no I'm stuck here bored as hell.

And the funny thing is technically I'm still grounded, but I have my cell phone I know how to get on the interent and my mom lets me hang out with people. But next Tuesday when my dad gets back from Northern Maine I'm ungrounded...jeez talk about a long time. But oh well. I guess I'm just missing the show on Friday, but I'll be at the one next week...so its all good. I'm not completely a horrible person.

I'm happy with things right now. I have a feeling everything is going to be good.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-18T10:32:00

2006-07-18T14:39:51Z

So Nascar was good. Even though I had to wake up at 3:30am Sunday...uck. It was hot as hell out, but it was hilarious because the whole time we were sitting by some crazy drunk/cowgirl looking chick. It was annoying cause she kept standing up...but it was hilarious because after the race they had some band play, and she was dancing and I got in on video on my phone...haha. My mom got lost like 2 seconds after we left the car...but my dad ran into Kristina who found me, kasey and christina. It's crazy there were so many people, I didn't expect to run into her. It was fun though, but a long fucking ride there and back.

So I decided I HATE my hair black, and me being lame cried about how much I hated it yesterday. It looks bad. So Kasey and I went to Rite Aid and got some more hair dye, thinking we can fix it...so we got dark blonde in hopes it would come out brown...but it fucking barely did anything and for the most part it's still black. So that's the last of me dying my hair by myself (as of now). So I'm going to Scissor Excitement later to get my hair stripped and re-dyed. I hate the fact that a $4 dollar thing of hairdye is now costing $100 to get it fixed. pshh. Beware of dying your hair. :-X

I have sunburn on my shoulders from Nascar...who knew tan people can actually burn too :( But its only on my shoulders...and it sucks hxc.

Meh.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-15T02:17:00

2006-07-15T06:23:25Z

So my last entry was all like #$%#^@

But right now I'm in a pretty decent mood. I like how I cant sleep so I sneak on the computer at 2am...bad kid right here. But Im happy cause I spent the day with my mom, got some things for my room. I dyed my hair black...I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but oh well..its black now. haha. And yes it actually is a pretty dramatic change considering for the summer my hair was golden brown-mahogonyish color. I'll probably dye it again before school start. I know dying hair bad...but oh well im a teenage girl I have the right to expirement. I miss everyone so much....I feel like I barely got to hang out with anyone this summer, its depressing cause its going by wicked fast. argggles. But I get to see Kasey and peoples at stans party tomorrow. YAY. and hopefully see Kristina at Nascar on sunday YIPPIE! hehe...im too awake, i should be sleeping but i cant lately. its too hot. hopefully i can keep happy nina happy for awhile.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-13T11:00:00

2006-07-13T15:10:43Z

So basically my current mood is fuck everyone/everything.

DON'T stop by my house...I don't fucking care who you are just don't. I'm trying to get ungrounded sometime soon, and I don't need people stopping over pissing off my parents. If you wan't to be a good friend don't call/stop over. I'll tell you when I can hang out again.

It doesn't really matter that I'm grounded anymore, I can't see the people I want to. I don't know where the hell Kasey is...I'm tired of calling her and only getting her dad. I need to talk to her though. I don't want to really hang out with anyone else. I hate the way all my friends are turning. It's stupid. All my friends seem to be hanging out with people I don't like...especially a certain somebody. And I'm not going to hang out with that person so don't be expecting me to be hanging out with you anytime soon. I know it sounds immature but lets see I have a choice of either hanging out with that person and getting kicked out of my house or not hanging out with that person. So what would you do? He's not a good friend, he never was a good friend to me. He was never around when I needed a good friend...but he was around when he needed Christina and I to help him out. He manipulates and uses people, and I just don't like him as a person at all.

I honestly don't care if I have to get a whole new group of friends, because right now this is all bullshit and I'm really pissed off right now. I'm tired of the whole party scene. I don't care what you people do, but don't expect me to have any part in it anymore. I'm done. I rather sit home and be grounded.I'm actually glad I get to be isolated from people for awhile, because they only disappoint me. I'll hang out with people I actually like, and care about when this is over. You'll see if I think you're really my friends or not. And considering I'm not down with the whole party scene anymore...what do you think?

I'm not trying to be a bitch or hurt anyones feelings...but I'm done with all this shit.

I'd rather get the hell away from Maine, than be ungrounded...I just want to get away for a while. I need to get away.

FUCK!

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-12T13:42:00

2006-07-12T18:07:34Z

So onto things I haven't had the chance to really sit down a write about...here's my entry.

I've been really stressed out lately, I hate being locked up in my house. I can barely use the computer or talk on the phone. The only reason I'm on the computer right now is because my mom is letting me get online. I regret so much that I lied to my parents. They have every reason to punish me. This also made me open my eyes more, about what's more important. I don't like the fact that I lost my father's trust. We're still a close family, but I hope he realizes that I do think what I did was stupid and immature. I'm also done drinking. It gets me sick, and it's no good way to have fun. I'm 17 I don't need to be drinking to have fun. I have all my college years for things like that. I need to worry more about school, grades, SATs (yes I'm taking them for a third time) and other future goals. And if my friends don't except that, well that's they're problem and I don't need them.

Onto other things. I honestly care about him, and I know things are different between us now. It took me some growing up and maturing to realize that I do care about him. I've dated other guys, and none of them made me feel the way he does. And it's not just sweet talk, or little things...it's more than that. My last relationship wasn't opened...and I didn't feel like I can express my feelings with Andrew even though we had an intimate relationship. But with him, I feel like I can tell him how I feel and not be worried, shy or ashamed. It's not some stupid crush either, and maybe if things don't work out with me and him it will be better than me sitting here wondering what if. I just feel this is right.

I just wish I was ungrounded so I can go out and get things done. My parents apparently had a talk and they decided to pay for my driver's ed finally. It's embarrasing I'm going into my Senior year of high school without merely a permit. It's ridiculous. I'm also using my $8,000.00 towards college and not a car...my parents are going to help me out on the car department..while the money I have goes towards college. I'm also trying to convince my dad to let me live on campus, if 8grand of my own money is going towards college than I feel I have the right to live on collge. Plus it would be ridiculous driving back from Orono to Hampden everday. I'm still applying to Northeastern too though...and I'd leave Maine in a heartbeat if I got in.

But for now there's clothes I need to fold, and I really should go and take a shower...haha.
Hopefully I'm back online soon.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-07-11T11:08:00

2006-07-11T15:10:40Z

Being grounded sucks

so basically, nothing has happened. hung out with old people.ate.watched tv.finished my room. cried.ate.watched tv. missed him a lot. been miserable. regretted. missed kasey. missed everyone. still sad. ugh being grounded sucks hxc. but i talked to him today...things havent changed which is good :) i adore him and will see him next week fo sho. <3 ungrounded = the 15th. will be at stans party saturday and nascar with kasey in loudon, nh on sunday. my life. yay.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-06-28T13:43:00

2006-06-28T17:56:20Z

Yesterday was fun after my densist appt. Mike and Justin picked me up and we went to the Attic and the band wasn't there yet so we went to Justin's to get his amp and guitar. Then back to the attic...it was so ghetto there was milk that expired May 8th just sitting there. Then Phil, and Jared showed up. Practice lasted about 20mins after everything was set up, because Phils family was having some party, and it smelled like ass since Phil threw the milk out the window. So we went to the apartment, hung out there and John and Jeremy was there for a while...listened to The Symmetry demo like 8439 times haha. Mike got out the bible and preached to everyone. Then we got bored so we decided to go the mall...While Jared was driving in front of us like a mad man looking for his wallet some hooker looking girls were talking to Jared and John, and me Justin and Mike were in another car and Justin goes "ask them how much theyre worth" and the girl came over to Justins window and was like "Roll down your window blah blah...why would you say how much I'm worth...how much are you worth" It was really funny...all in all we drove past them again and Mike through a handful of change at them. haha. Good times. We finally made it to the mall, saw Logan Deane...we all raped her especially John. haha. Then Mike brought me home, cause Kasey was hanging out at my house and I havent seen her in a bijillion years and it was getting late. I get home and theres no Christina or Kasey. But I found them they were with Gabby...then we went to Irving....creepy guy... And we saw Beth and her baby and went back home. Kasey and I played dress up, made my mom take us to the store at 12:30 watched the Notebook, ate poutine fell asleep...and woke up like 20 mins ago. And now Christina and Kasey are telling me to make them food. I need to shower.

Lovesong Writer

2006-06-26T16:01:50Z

Sitting alone in the dark of a stadium
He whispers his secrets into a cheap guitar
Wtih the flick of his wrist he turns words into melodies
Chords into church bells fill up the allies
Loves intwine by the heat of the night
And by dawn are apart in the shivering silences
We will pretend
That it's all just made up.
The songs that he writes, are too personal
He can't play them for anyone
When he's all alone, the lovesong writer sings
Oooh
Can anyone hear me now?
But no one hears at him now.
So he stumbles through syllables, cut from their sentences
Lost letters call to him deep in the alphabet
"Please give us meaning"
Pose for me now
You're the broken heart
You're the sigh in the back of the throat
And on the otherside
You're the queen of spades
You're the sound that she makes on her way
There's always a way out

(Thursday)

when_doves_cry @ 2006-06-25T16:33:00

2006-06-25T20:38:16Z

<3 the worst is over you can have the best of me.

no one can bring me down right now.
cause I always find myself thinking of you

when_doves_cry @ 2006-06-23T12:30:00

2006-06-23T16:35:52Z

So it's finally Friday! Which means Dan Keykecks (probably not how you spell his last name but thats how it sounds) party..and I'm actually happy cause this means I get to get away from my house. I still have tons of cleaning to do, but honestly I'm not too worried about that right now.

I'm in a wicked good mood today, and it's not because of any one person or what not...I'm just genuinely happy...and it's been so long for be to be able to say that. I'm not going to sit around and be sad all summer. I'm gonna go out have fun, paint my room...and I don't know what I'm gonna do after that, maybe go to Florida with Kasey and Tracy or have a sweet ass toga party with Nick. Whatever it may be, it's going to be awesome. I just need to stay optimistic. =D

My To-Do List is top secret...acually myspace is just being wicked silly right now and messing up my lines, but it's all good.

Shower time?

when_doves_cry @ 2006-06-21T13:13:00

2006-06-21T17:39:28Z

Happy first day of summer.
Kasey is in L.A and I'm wicked jealous
but Tracey and Kasey might be going to Florida next week...and I want to go!
Kasey is almost out of the Army!
I'm glad cause I didn't want her to go, she didn't either.
She can have a good life here, maybe go to college and get a job.

Ben Folds lyrics enter here___
"Well I thought about the army, dad said son you're fucking high"

see Ben Folds really does have a song for everything.
Gosh he's a fucking genious I want to see him live again.
Ahhh so awesome

when_doves_cry @ 2006-06-21T00:07:00

2006-06-21T04:10:51Z

I'm happy. Things are a little better now.

nick IMed me and I haved talked to him in FOREVER. and were making plans to hang out.
Its funny our ex's are best friends...but we're making plans to hang out and im excited.
drunken orgy...fuck yeah.

I'm starting to feel a little bit more optimistic about this summer.
I cant wait until im done painting my room because its a bitch, but it'll look good when its done.

thats it for now.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-06-20T12:21:00

2006-06-20T16:29:01Z

I'm happy again
all because of him
<3
And her. And Her.
Okay the last two people are Christina and Kasey.

But last night he told me how he always wanted me, and I felt the exact same way for so long, but why did it take us so long to come out and tell each other.
He's fucking amazing I've missed him so much, and I'm so glad I have him back in my life.
Talking to him last night made everything better and right again.
I was about to pack my shit and just take off to anywhere with anyone as long as its wasnt Maine.
But now I want to stay here and see him and talk to him. He makes me have all these feelings inside.
I hope this stays the way it is now, because I would hurt so bad if this changed. Not right now, I need him right now.
He doesnt realize what he does to me, I'm so happy beyond words right now.

I'm still worried about you though.
You're turning into a different person, and I don't like it.
And I don't see how we could still be friends.
I feel selfish, but its my life and youre the one that left.
I'm just moving on.
I won't make myself feel guilty about finding someone so soon,
because this is different.

when_doves_cry @ 2006-06-18T23:12:00

2006-06-19T03:14:56Z

So despite the fact of me trying to stay optimistic, things are not better.
I still hate how everything/everyone is changing and I'm not involved what so ever.

These lyrics speak to my heart, and describe how I feel.
Ben Folds you truly are a genious

"I wake up in the night
All alone and it's alright
The chemicals are wearing off
Since you've gone

The days go on, the lights go off and on
And nothing really matters when you're gone
If you think that you feel nothing at all
If you don't (If you don't)
Then you don't (No, you won't)
If you won't
Then you won't
And I will
Then I will
Yeah, and I will consider you gone"

I'm in need of some drastic changes..
psh

Say Goodbye To Everything You Knew

2006-06-18T20:46:40Z

Why the fuck is everything changing
so quickly
I understand things need to change
but what the hell EVERYTHING!

WHY do you hang out with people you supposedly hated and said were annoying all the time. Is it because I'm not around anymore.
You're changing and I HATE IT!
You're turning into the person you hated.
What the hell is wrong with you lately?!?!?!
I accept that we're over
but what the FUCK why do you hang out with those people and why the fuck have you turned into some asshole who has no time for anyone anymore except the people he use to HATE!

My best friend is going to be gone from me for such a long time cause shes going into the Army and right now shes off in Cali.
I feel like I have nothing here anymore.
All of my friends are changing.
I can't trust anything to stay the same.

Things were good. Now they're not.

I don't want to feel this way all summer.
I can't even breathe anymore.
Nothing is ~~real~~ anymore.
I hate this town.
I hate these people.
I'm sick and tired of just about everyone.
Why the fuck is everyone changing.

The one person I want to be with, I cant. He knows I'll always have feelings for him. I've had feelings for him since last summer. I've tried to tell him, and I want to be with him. I've always had feelings for him. He plays with my mind too much, and he's too confusing...but why would he randomly send me a text message saying "I love you". I'm getting these feelings back that I once had for you, but I can't let myself get hurt by you again. It took me so long to trust you again, but why the hell now?

Ugh this is going to be a long and horrible summer.
I don't want to be in Maine.